Demisexuality is part of the asexual spectrum, which means that a person who identifies as demisexual is likely to have a lower-than-average sex drive. A demisexual person may engage in sexual relations once an emotional bond or connection has formed.
My vacation was months in the making. After barely surviving my first gay breakup in August 2021, I began planning a trip that would signify my re-entry to the world of singledom. My recent ex was my first serious boyfriend, and I had only been out for a year prior to meeting him. It had taken months of therapy and buckets of tears to admit that I still needed to experience things that I could only do while single; one of which was to broaden my sexual portfolio.
So as I prepared to head to Mexico, I felt like a giddy debutant. But this fantasy floundered when I attended my first Is Demi sexual the same as asexual? party on day two. Since my friend and I had arrived during BeefDip, a week-long event celebrating muscular, heavy-set men and their admirers, the party was packed. There Is Demi sexual the same as asexual? crowds of massive, hairy men in the pool, at the bar, on the bar, in the cabanas and everywhere connecting these areas.
As I surveyed the crowd, I felt inferior and unattractive, which sent my mind reeling with a flurry of anxious questions: Who would want me when there are countless other men to choose from? Who the hell am I? Should I reapply my sunscreen? After shotgunning a beer to save time, I left. I walked back to the hotel with a big smile on my face, suddenly cured of any insecurities.
We agreed to meet later that night. After a long evening of partying, kissing and surprisingly personal conversations, he brought me back to his hotel, Is Demi sexual the same as asexual? me a drink, a bathing suit and took me to the rooftop.
We spent hours talking, watching the stars and listening to the echoes of boozy partygoers. We had sex as the sun rose. Someone who was willing to take the time to get to know me, to ask what I needed and to genuinely be attracted to me in more than a physical way.
Our date marked the first time I felt truly comfortable on the trip. We more or less followed the same schedule the following evening. Only this time, the conversation got more intense. He wanted to fly me to Chicago. He said he could see a future with me. He went as far as to say he could see himself marrying me. The pool party offered an unexpected revelation: faced with an opportunity to have sex with multiple people, I chose to seek out intimacy with someone new instead.
In fact, I encourage it. If anything, I wish I were more like them. The afternoon following my initial hookup, I googled and read aloud what demisexuality meant as my friend applied makeup for a gig that evening.
I had a difficult time accepting this about myself. It reminded me that I still felt conflicted about exactly what I wanted and needed out of sexual relationships. But here I was, in Mexico, seeking intimacy.
It can be difficult to find somebody who is willing to take the time to get to know you before sex, since sex can be so easy and transactional, especially in a place like a Puerto Vallarta cruising party. I missed my ex, and started Is Demi sexual the same as asexual? regret my choice. Advertisement I decided that, to understand myself better, I needed to get a better grasp on demisexuality, so I turned to the experts.
Many folks under the ace umbrella still have sex—behaviour is different from identity. They might know they are sexually attracted to someone, and just not want to act on it until that connection has been formed. She recommended I begin journaling, asking questions like: What does an emotional connection do for me, sexually? Does it help me feel safer and more authentic?
Does it unlock a new layer to my connection with someone or make way for sexual attraction? Still, as emotionally exhausting as it sounds, I managed to have fun with a few men I met on that trip; who were open to going on no-strings dates during my stay and watching Drag Race after we came.
This label offered understanding, and, in talking with Corrado, a sense of community.