Weekend Education
We’ve learnt a lot this past weekend, so it’s time to round-up:
Geography
You can pretty much drive up the A3 all the way from Portsmouth to Liverpool St. Station. My brother would be delighted by this fact because despite having been a courier for the past 5 years, he still believes that the way to get anywhere is to “just keep going straight until you see it”. However, contrary to what the RAC’s route-planner thinks, you still can’t cross central London in 11 minutes.
Drama
Brian has voiced the idea that he and I could do a good double-act. In a subtle piece of comedy, he thinks he would be the straight man.
Chemistry
Laying off caffine for two weeks, then drinking waaaaay too much of it in half an hour is an excellent way to speed up your Sunday evening. You can boost the effect by watching a good thriller on TV. Just remember to hold on tight to the sofa. Yowser!
Home Economics
I met a lady in Sainsbury’s who could guess the weight of a slice of paté to within 4% accuracy. Most impressive. And while oat cakes have the perfect texture for paté, rather surprisingly they have too much flavour.
Politics
I don’t think I know anyone who would die for truth, but I seem to know several people who will fight for fashion. With me. Certain choices I’ve made this weekend have provoked controversy and emotional debate. I can only say to those people that nothing is as unflattering as conservatism. Don’t believe me? Check out Michael Howard’s tie.
In the matter of The People vs. Brian Dray, we find that Mr Dray has failed to present his case adequately, returning no arguments even after an extension of two days. Therefore it is the decision of this Court to rule against Mr Dray.
Mr Dray, you are sentenced to four minutes hard labour in Tk-maxx.
Can I appeal against the verdict?
Maybe. Do something appealing and we'll see.
Certain choices Ive made this weekend have provoked controversy and emotional debate.
I'm sorry to have to reiterate this, Kris, but a turquoise bead necklace does not go with a blue shirt. The assembled company agreed with me.
By "the assembled company" I assume you mean Laura. Laura, for those who don't know, is a lady that regularly wears a stripey pink Bagpuss watch. I like it because it says a lot about her personality. It's a piece that expresses the inner-Laura.
What part of your personality did that pin-stripe shirt express, Brian?
You two are getting bitchy on the clothes side - I thought that was my job. So here's what I think.
In defence of Kris, the turquiose necklace is a great colour on him, brings out his eyes, and it's fine with blue (blue and turquoise don't clash, B, they complement), but would be better with black. The problem with that necklace is the size of the beads hint at the kind of weighty jewellery middle-aged women with short hair and too much foundation go in for, not ideal, but in this case a shame rather than disastrous.
Now, conservative dress sense is a pity but can be perfectly pleasant (though not in the shocking case of Michael Howard's tie). However, that doesn't mean anything whacky goes. As with writing, one should embrace the classic before experimenting too much. Brian, I feel, embraces the classic and does it well, but lacks adventure in his fashion choices. His dismissal of anything a bit more characterful or unexpected tends to be backed with the phrase 'it just doesn't work', not nearly convincing enough an argument to get anyone to change their mind.
Mind you, criticising so meticulously it's evil has usually been my strategy and that doesn't work either.
In the arts there are only two crimes: failing to express oneself well, and failing to express oneself at all. The latter is a tragedy, whereas the former is just life.
blue and turquoise don't clash, B, they complement
Trust me, they clash.
Brian, you forget yourself. Remember: at the fashion awards last year you won Best Newcomer, not Lifetime Achievement.
Having said that, would you care to offer reasons supporting your argument?
Yes, it's reasons I'm after. Then we can have a meaningful argument.
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