Vaz

Last Thursday we went out for a curry with the European product manager for Vaseline. This was an exciting evening of brainstorming, in which we attempted to chart a fresh course for the product and 'bring it back to the streets'. I should really tell you this publicly, but between you and me, just so you'll know where it came from, here's a quick peek into the Vaseline advertisements that will carry our nation into 2006:

INT: Black Pontiac Trans-Am, David Hasslehoff, dressed in black leather, is drivin' and lookin' cool¹. Cut to...

EXT: A diner out in the desert. Harley Davidsons are lined up outside. The Trans-Am pulls up, and the door swings open. Several blonde bimbettes rush up to see who's driving the cool car. Hasslehoff makes to approach the ladies, and there is a creaking, tearing sound. He cannot move. The desert heat has stuck his leather-clad body to the car's upholstery. Girls leave, disgusted.

End ad part one. More ads will be shown in the same commercial break, sandwiched by part 2:

EXT: The same diner. The front door explodes open and Hasslehoff comes running out. He pauses briefly to push over the row of Harley Davidsons which fall domino-style, before running towards the Trans-Am. The door automatically swings open as he approaches. Hasslehoff leaps into the car, sliding in with a satisfying squelch. Car burns away as we pan to angry hells angels leaving the diner. Cut to..

INT: The Trans-Am. Hasslehoff wriggles to get comfy in his chair, reaches into the pocket of his black leather jacket, and pulls out a jar of Vaseline. He flips it into the air, catches it with a cocky smile, and grins to camera.

Compelling stuff, I think you'll agree. The second in this series of ads involves Tom Jones, a rather tight leather catsuit and our hero the tub of Vaseline, but that's enough excitement for now.

¹ If a touch old.