Argh!

Kris — Thu, 17 Nov 2005 11:40:17 +0000

Argh! I'm completely rattled. I shouldn't be, but I am. Here's a tip folks - if you want to utterly piss me off, dedicate yourself to being both totally useless and having an irritating tone of voice. The combination of the two will push me beyond sanity every time.

I needed to phone up Bulldog's broadband helpdesk this morning, for the office landlord's sake. I got put through to someone who had decided to end his life by taking one more shot of heroin, and just before he jabbed the needle in and let the miserable coil of his depression unwind completely, he decided to take his most suicidal tonality and answer one more phone call. Please, as you read this, imagine that each of his sentences take 30 seconds to mournfully drawl out:

Mr Living Dead: Can I take your customer number please? Kris: Oh, I just need to ask you a general question.
MLD: Can I take your customer number please?
K: Oh okay. It's abc123. About your DNS-
MLD: -Can I ask your name?
K: Erm...you'll have Mrs Hereford.
MLD: Will we have a note saying I can speak to you?
K: . o O ( It's your fecking database, so you'll already know the answer to that. And we're already fecking speaking ). No you won't, but it doesn't matter because I just have a general question about your DNS-
MLD: I'm sorry but we can't give out any information.
K: But it's not a question about the account. I just want to know if there are any reported problems with your DNS servers.
MLD: We can't give out private information without-
K: I'm not asking about private information. It's a yes/no question about a general, publical-domain fact.
MLD: The Data Protection Act doesn't allow us to-
K: -this isn't a data protection issue. This is generic information! It has nothing to do with anyone's personal data.
[conversation continues for several minutes in utter futility]

Argh! Fecking drones! If he'd just stop to think for one second, he'd realise a) It isn't a fecking data protection act issue, b) helping people with very simple things can actually make a helpdesk job rewarding and c) his dreary tone of voice is directly contributing to the depressing meaninglessness of life that causes him to talk in that dreary tone of voice. Argh!

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Argh!