Meat!

Kris — Mon, 02 Apr 2001 16:51:55 +0100

Ladies and Gentlemen of the public. It's a sad and little known fact that 80% of the world's bread is consumed by less than 1% of the population - backpackers. These backpackers are forced to survive on bread and cheese, bread and jam, bread and beer, and very little else. Thousands drop to the ground daily under the weight of their load, their overworked muscles atrophying from the lack of protein.
Yet you can help.
Join me, and the nice people at D.H.L. in our campain,

Meat for Europe

Through our efforts, many thousands of backpackers will be given access to much-needed meat, through our distribution center in Munich. In this time when meat, however dubious its condition, is plentiful, there is much opportunity to be generous.
Please, give all you can to stop their plight.

That was a paid announcement brought to you by Mmm, the Ministry for More Meat.

As Winston Churchill famously said, "I've had one too many omlette sandwiches." I now begin to look hungrily forward to Germany, where they put meat into everything, and then cover it in chocolate. Cadbury's Fruit 'n' Pork, anyone? CurlyWursty?

But I'm not the only one with problems. As I was walking through the streets of Barcelona yesterday, I was passed by a very loud, confident and even militant band of protesters, boldly holding up their banner - "Solutionos - Ja!". As the drummers drummed, the trumpeters trumped and the pedestrians peded, I couldn't help but fall in love with the plight of these simple Catalan folk, and I now agree - what Catalonya, nay what Europe needs, is solutions. Please send some to the usual address and I will pass them on, on my next stop through Brussels.

What Catalonya also needs, frankly, is more respect for books. Passing through a bookstore this morning I was pleased to see a large selection of books in English, but I couldn't help but feel they'd missed the point of literature when I saw the sign, "English Books - 800pts Each". I've always said that books are more than just a question of the number of words, but it seems these folk haven't even got that far.

Still, if anyone wants a cheap Jeffery Archer...er...you should be shot, I suppose.

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Meat!